Play Magic With Tom LaPille

So you’re playing extended, legacy, or vintage. We all know those formats are broken and silly, but you figured out exactly how to attack the specific way that the format is broken. You have the perfect mix of disruptive cards and little obnoxious creatures, and you’re going to use it to beat all the broken decks on your way to glory and prizes.

I understand what you’re thinking. You’re not the first one. Let me show you a few people who have done this before:

Nicolas Labarre- Fish
Pro Tour Rome 1998, 2nd place
Extended
4 Manta Riders
4 Merfolk Trader
4 Lord of Atlantis
4 Man’o'war
4 Suq’Ata Firewalker
3 Waterspout Djinn

4 Force of Will
2 Force Spike
4 Counterspell
2 Curiosity
3 Nevinyrral’s Disk

4 Wasteland
18 Island

Sideboard
2 Phyrexian Furnace
2 Bottle Gnomes
2 Force Spike
2 Disrupt
4 Hydroblast
2 Serrated Arrows
1 Nevinyrral’s Disk

Nicolas Lebarre played this deck in a field of High Tide, Academy, and Recurring Nightmare/Great Whale combo decks, among others. While everyone else was trying to win on turn three or four with degenerate combo decks, Nicolas’s turn four might bring a Waterspout Djinn. Decks like this gave “fish” decks their original name, since they contained actual merfolk. Between Wasteland and counterspells, though, this deck could give Academy decks fits. Speaking of Academy decks, let’s look at what won that tournament:

Tommi Hovi- Academy
Pro Tour Rome 1998 Champion
Extended

4 Volcanic Island
4 Tundra
4 Tolarian Academy
4 Ancient Tomb
3 City of Brass

4 Mana Vault
4 Mox Diamond
4 Lotus Petal
3 Voltaic Key
2 Scroll Rack

4 Stroke of Genius
4 Time Spiral
4 Windfall
3 Mind over Matter
3 Intuition
3 Abeyance
3 Power Sink

Sideboard

4 Wasteland
4 Chill
4 Gorilla Shaman
2 Red Elemental Blast
1 Arcane Denial

This is an Academy deck. It uses mana-producing artifacts with Tolarian Academy to produce a ton of mana, and then do silly things. Time Spiral, Windfall, and Stroke of Genius show you more cards, with Time Spiral giving you more mana as well by untapping Academy. The deck ends the game by getting out a Mind over Matter and using it to untap Academy repeatedly, generating a ton of mana, and then casting Stroke of Genius to deck the opponent. This version of the deck consistently won on turn three if it was not disrupted.

After nine years of evolution, modern fish decks look more like this:

Max Tietze- Fish
Grand Prix Columbus 2007, 4th place
Legacy

4 Meddling Mage
4 Dark Confidant
3 Jotun Grunt
3 Mother of Runes
2 Serra Avenger

4 Serum Visions
4 Brainstorm
4 Force of Will
4 Swords to Plowshares
3 Duress
2 Umezawa’s Jitte
3 Stifle
3 Daze

4 Tundra
2 Underground Sea
4 Flooded Strand
4 Polluted Delta
1 Scrubland
1 Island
1 Plains

Sideboard
4 Leyline of the Void
4 Engineered Plague
3 Vindicate
2 Engineered Explosives
1 Duress
1 Umezawa’s Jitte

The merfolk are gone, and in their place we have actually efficient small creatures., but the disruption-based small creature attack is intact.

Public enemy number one at that tournament was Hulk Flash:

Steve Sadin
Grand Prix Columbus 2007 Champion
Legacy

4 Dark Confidant
4 Protean Hulk
1 Carrion Feeder
1 Kiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker
1 Body Snatcher
1 Karmic Guide

4 Brainstorm
4 Mystical Tutor
4 Daze
4 Force of Will
4 Sensei’s Divining Top
4 Counterbalance
4 Flash
1 Massacre
1 Echoing Truth
4 Chrome Mox

3 Flooded Strand
4 Polluted Delta
3 Island
1 Swamp
1 Underground Sea
1 Tropical Island
1 Tundra

Sideboard
4 Leyline of the Void
4 Quirion Dryad
3 Massacre
1 Reverent Silence
3 Swords to Plowshares

This is the Flash deck. To win, cast Flash. As part of its resolution, put Protean Hulk into play and then into the graveyard. Search through your deck for Karmic Guide and Carrion Feeder, and return Hulk to play with Karmic Guide’s ability. Sacrifice Hulk to Carrion Feeder, and search out the Kiki-Jiki. Activate Kiki-Jiki targeting Karmic Guide, then sacrifice Kiki-Jiki to the feeder. When the copy of Karmic Guide comes into play, return Kiki to play. You just gained a 2/2 hasty token. Repeat until you have infinite tokens, then attack. We can do all of this unopposed becuase we have Dazes and Force of Wills. Most lists played Duress as well, but I picked the tournament-winning list because, well, it won.

What do the two fish decks decks have in common? They’re aimed squarely at the obvious most powerful strategies in their respective tournaments. Nicolas’s counters and Wastelands are a strong plan against Academy, and look at the hate Max has for Flash- Leyline of the Void means that Protean Hulk won’t trigger during Flash, and he has Meddling Mage, Duress, Daze, and Force of Will. A well-timed Swords to Plowshares might even stop a Flash deck that didn’t have a Benevolent Bodyguard to search up to protect Karmic Guide with. Mother of Runes could stop a Flash deck’s one bounce spell from getting rid of a Meddling Mage. This is all nice. You’re going to feel smart when you get that Academy player with the Curiosity, Wasteland, Force of Will draw, or you beat the Flash opponent with your early Duress and Daze-backed Meddling Mage.

The second thing that they have in common is that they are wildly underpowered compared to the decks they are aimed at. The same turn that Labarre’s deck is playing a 4/4 for 4 with a drawback, the Academy deck is killing you or already has killed you. The legacy fish deck gets a slightly disruptive grizzly bear for the same amount of mana that it costs the flash deck to win the game. To win a game in these matchups, the fish decks have to do a delicate dance to shut off the combination decks’ ways to win. The combination decks just need the fish deck to misstep once, and that’s the game.

The third thing that fish decks have in common is that they look absolutely abysmal when you take them out of the context of the decks they are aimed at. Let’s take a trip in time back to Pro Tour Rome. Although that tournament had all kinds of brokenness available to it, at least half the field was playing “fair” decks- say, something like this:

Erno Ekebom
Pro Tour Rome 1998, 13th place
Extended

4 Jackal Pup
4 Mogg Fanatic
2 Goblin Patrol
2 Gorilla Shaman
4 Ball Lightning

4 Lightning Bolt
4 Shock
4 Incinerate
4 Fireblast
2 Hammer of Bogardan
4 Cursed Scroll

4 Wasteland
18 Mountain

Sideboard
4 Pyroblast
4 Bottle Gnomes
3 Red Elemental Blast
2 Price of Progress
2 Furnace of Rath

This deck is for all intents and purposes “fair.” It’s going to kill you on turn four or five, which is pretty slow for Rome. This deck’s point is obvious- it’s coming at your face with red cards as fast as it can. So what happens when LaBarre and Hovi get paired against this guy? Hovi is going to simply outrace him. Academy was, after all, the best deck. LaBarre, however, is going to get mauled. He has some Suq’Ata Firewalkers, and past that his creatures are all jokes compared to Ekebom’s burn. These two decks actually fought each other in Rome, with a resounding 2-0 victory to the red deck.

Here’s an example of a fair deck from Columbus:

Owen Turtenwald
Grand Prix Columbus 2007, 2nd place
Legacy

4 Bloodstained Mire
4 Wooded Foothills
4 Wasteland
4 Rishadan Port
4 Mountain
3 Taiga

2 Siege-Gang Commander
4 Mogg Fanatic
4 Goblin Lackey
4 Goblin Piledriver
4 Gempalm Incinerator
4 Goblin Matron
4 Goblin Warchief
4 Goblin Ringleader
2 Tin Street Hooligan
1 Goblin Sharpshooter

4 Aether Vial

Sideboard
4 Pyrokinesis
4 Tormod’s Crypt
2 Krosan Grip
2 Pyroblast
1 Red Elemental Blast
1 Goblin King
1 Tranquil Domain

I may be pushing the envelope about what is “fair” here, but this is about as non-distorted as it got in Columbus. If you are playing Flash, you’re pretty much golden. Goblins has a few ways to steal games from you, but in general the Flash deck is way faster than they are and not much can change that. The fish deck, though, is going to have a rough time against goblins. Four Swords to Plowshares and three Jittes with only five creatures bigger than 2/2’s are not going to cut it against a synergistic set of 33 goblins. Mother of Runes is nice, but the Goblin deck has 4 Fanatics and 4 Gempalms to get it with as soon as it taps.

In both cases, the fish deck’s cards are wildly underpowered and stupid looking as soon as you take them up against a deck that isn’t going broken, and most fish decks in history have this problem. LaBarre did well at Rome becuase he played against eleven Time Spiral-based combo decks in the swiss, going 10-0 against them. He was 1-2-1 against other decks. I don’t have a way of knowing Max’s road to the top eight in Columbus, but I have to assume that he played against a lot of Flash.

The reason your fish deck probably sucks is that you probably packed it full of cards that are terrible in a vacuum. You’re going to beat the best decks, but in a wide open environment there are going to be a ton of players who show up with decks that are terrible for one reason or another. They might be pet decks that their players will never let die, they might be distorted due to card access limitations, or your opponent might just be terrible and not know that their deck sucks. If you don’t play a deck that is powerful enough in a vacuum, those guys are going to beat you. When all of your opponent’s cards are indistinct and equally important, Meddling Mage changes from a pinpoint weapon to a Grizzly Bear, and Force of Will changes from a free way to stop their most important card to a self-inflicted Hymn to Taurach. I don’t want to play Grizzly Bear when I could be playing Flash.

I believe that the allure of fish decks for a lot of players is that they see the obvious best strategy, and leap to the conclusion that they should try to beat it. When the “best strategy” offers you consistent turn two and three kills or something similarly ridiculous, that conclusion isn’t a logical leap- it’s more like a leap off of a cliff onto sharp rocks that are being battered by high waves. The logical thing to do is to just play the obvious best strategy that wins on turn two or three.

I’m not above that. Why should you be?